Affirmation
Yesterday was quite the day.
It started off as an ordinary day with a morning workout way before dawn (I’m an early riser). One of the most important things of my day was meeting with my Companions in Discernment (CID) Group. These people journey with me as I further explore my calling to ordained ministry and all that potentially could come with it. The topic of discussion was my spiritual autobiography (SA); in the past, when I’ve written one of these (SAs), it’s typically 2-3 pages. However, this one was 7!
It was filled with narratives of my trauma, the journey that I am on because of that trauma and and the trauma that happened during the journey it as well. But there is also the beauty I see because of the perspective that developed, from the trauma and the journey.
At any rate, the meeting went really well; full of sharing, story, and questions from my companions that made me consider different views that at times, even felt like pushback. It was very much something I needed, and I am so thankful and fortunate to have an amazing group of people with me on this chapter of my spiritual journey.
After leaving my church, I began my drive back home across town. The first segment of this drive involves me driving down a mountain and back into the valley where I live. As I came to the edge of the mountain and began to turn and start my descent down, I looked out over the valley for the view (which never gets old), and there. hovering over the valley, I saw it:
A rainbow.
A symbol that biblically represented God’s promise to Noah and his family. It’s also a symbol of the Pride Movement for the LGBTQ+ community. So, as a Gay Christian, a rainbow has a lot of significance to me. While this was all going on, the following lines in a song I had playing were sung:
”Come death or shadow,
God, I know your light will lead me there.”
Holy shit. This was an affirmation. This was a sign from God, and it was affirming me; all of me.
The broken, busted up, beautiful, funny, empathetic, compassionate mess of a man that I am. My actual self. Here was light from God, in the form of a rainbow affirming me and the path I am on. It was very powerful, and needless to say, I cried a little. It was too beautiful; too perfect of a moment.
And it was mine. This affirmation and promise from God that I am a beloved child of creation, that I have much work to do in this world, and that no matter what I face (death or shadow), God will be there with me and lead me through it.
This was a much-needed reminder that I am indeed beautiful and worthy (even when I don’t think I am).
Thanks be to God!
